this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
