You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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