i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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