He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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