i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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