So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
