So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
