I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
