fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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