it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
