I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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