I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
pop tarts are not kleenex
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
