U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
