if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
