I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
