It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
