theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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