i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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