i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
