probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I believe in your delicious
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
