I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
