I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
