she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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