I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
