i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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