Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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