so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
