You're so nebulous sometimes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize