you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
