i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
