i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize