She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
