he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
