Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
