wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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