either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
