I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
