Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
