Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
