Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
