I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
