i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
