woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
