So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
