you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
