I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
