Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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