I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
