If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
