youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm too high and old for this...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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