my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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