What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
