Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize