I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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