hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
