She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
