making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
