is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize