he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
