My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize