she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
