i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
