i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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