i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
