the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
