I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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