Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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