so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
