yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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