I didn't shave. On purpose
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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