how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
