Pappa wants mamma naked
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
