The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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