At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
