I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize