clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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