you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
