yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
