Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
