I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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