Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
