I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
