My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Come share oat with me in your robe
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
