found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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