I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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