hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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