You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
