i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
