I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
