I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
