capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
