There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
