Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
