she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
