You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's official drugs can't kill me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
