I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
