His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
