I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
