Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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