She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
