I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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