Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
