Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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