holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
