so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
