I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
