He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
