somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize