My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
