She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
