Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
