I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
