I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
