Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
