is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
