First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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