Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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