Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
