Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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