She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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